Six ways to build trust with your direct report during a 1-1
Dear Tanja,
I feel like my direct report doesn’t like me. I might be in my head, or have unreasonable expectations. They don’t open up to me during our meetings, I feel like I get a cold shoulder from them, and sometimes it feels like they are defensive when I attempt to connect with them. How can I establish a better relationship with them?
First, don’t take it personally. There are so many reasons why a direct report/ supervisor relationship can be challenging. We all show up to work with unique lived experiences that shape us and contribute to how we show up. Fostering a relationship and building trust takes time and effort.
1-1 meetings are a great way to build trust with your team. Here are 6 things you can consider adding to your agenda to build trust and develop a better working relationship with your direct report.
Start each meeting with a clearing. Before addressing anything business-related, leave an open space for “clearing the air.” While this might sound intense, you can keep it casual. I have three prompts you can use to help create the habit of clearing. 1- Something I want you to know is… 2- Something I am proud of is… 3- Something I am nervous about it… This part of the meeting is optional, and your direct report can choose to respond to any, all, or none of the prompts. Your job is to hold the open space and to listen. While they are sharing, do not respond (or react!), do not fix, and do not defend yourself. Just listen. You can address the things that come up, but let them share freely and without interruptions. You will also have your turn to share. Just be mindful that you are the supervisor. While you should be vulnerable, it’s not an opportunity to vent. The value of this step is that issues can be addressed before they build up. These questions are fairly mild and innocent, but part of the trust is how you navigate the information shared with you. This is a big step in cultivating trust. Over time, trust will grow, and sharing will feel more natural, but trust can be easily broken. This should be maintained as a safe space. Make sure to thank them for sharing, or declining!
Always follow up on the last meeting. Check in about something, close a loop, and ask for feedback. This adds credibility to the purpose of having a meeting. You can tell when your time is wasted, and so can anyone in your presence. If you schedule a weekly meeting, make it an intentional use of time.
Invite your direct report to contribute to meeting content. This builds engagement and invites a level of ownership. It is important to ask for contributions in advance and not in the moment to give them time to prepare (and for you to prepare with an answer/feedback, etc.)
Be clear about next steps and expectations. Minimize the opportunity for confusion on your team. Before the meeting ends, confirm any action items, double-check on any lingering questions, and restate any important deadlines, etc.
Start or end your meetings with something related to wellness. You can start with a mindful minute to ease into the space, end by sharing a personal highlight of the week, or incorporate breathwork/ meditation.
Send meeting recaps. Include any documents or resources that came up during the meeting and share calendar reminders for any dates mentioned. You can also personalize a message, either thanking them for how they contributed or recognizing something that stood out to you, etc.
I recommend that agendas be sent a week in advance, feedback is requested by mid-week, and recaps be sent the day of. Be consistent. Consider meetings a ritual that keeps your team connected, knowledgeable, and empowered.
Little by little, these elements are sure to build a foundation of trust that can lead to a more fruitful relationship with your direct report.
You can download a cheat sheet with this info here!
What would you add? What will you try? Share in the comments. Let’s keep working together to keep the office vibes up!
