Is It Time To Reflect On Your Email Etiquette?

Dear Tanja,

I’ve received feedback that my emails are off-putting. Do you have any tips on how to avoid offending people through email?

Take a moment to reflect on your work day—the rhythm, the moments between meetings, the admin time, the commute, the office (or virtual) environment… everything.

As you think about your day, notice yourself and your energy. Are you rushed, pressured, or frustrated? Are you tired? Are you motivated? Are you budding with ideas and inspiration? Are you waiting for coworkers to take the next steps? No answers are right or wrong; it’s just about building awareness.

Now, think about your work process. Are you multitasking? Are you squeezing in moments of work between back-to-back meetings? Are you catching up on emails late at night after a long day? Are you proactively knocking out all your emails in one designated time of the day? Again, no right or wrong answers. Just give yourself a moment to observe how you navigate the day and approach the moments you communicate through email.

Energy is exchanged all day, at all times. When we walk past each other in the street, when we take a lunch break with someone, when we come home in the evening, and even through an email or text. What we feel inside is expressed externally, whether we know it or not.

Think about your answers, and consider if there is something you can do differently. Maybe, you identified that you are sending emails out abruptly in 5 minutes between meetings. Maybe, you realize that you are bombarding someone with 10 emails in a row during your admin hour. Maybe, you become aware that you are much more eager and motivated than the people around you. Regardless of your reflection- there is a change you can make. It is either in how you approach your time or manage your expectations.

Remember, you are doing your best, and it is impossible to please everyone around you. With that being said, here are a few examples of changes I’ve made in the past regarding my email etiquette-

1—If I am angry, I wait one or two days before emailing. I write the email to get things off my chest, but most of the time, I delete about half of the email after giving myself a day to cool off.

2- Schedule send emails. When I started working remotely, 7 pm was a perfect time for me to power through some emails. But this didn’t mean I had to fill someone’s inbox at that time. Nor did it mean that someone wanted to start their day with a list of emails from me. I try to consider the priority level of the emails I’m sending so I can schedule them for different times. This way, I’m knocking things off my list and maintaining my productive flow without giving someone on the receiving end anxiety.

3- Check my energy. If I’m feeling frustrated about my work environment (which is normal), I need to stay aware of that and not spread this frustration to others. Do I need to communicate something? Do I need to let go of something? Do I need to stay aware of something? Maybe with this awareness, you make a plan- talk to your boss, give yourself more time between meetings to take care of tasks with more time and attention, or slow down in the moments you are drafting emails.

Taking a moment to reflect can help identify a few changes to your day that will bring you and your professional environment more peace! If it feels too murky to reflect on your day, talk to someone! After all, that is what coaches or mentors are for; sometimes, an outside perspective can catch what we don’t see.

What would you add? What will you try? Share in the comments. Let’s keep working together to keep the office vibes up!